Well, this post has been in my mind for a few days now, but I just haven't sat down to write it. It is late, so bear with me - my thoughts might still end up jumbled a little.
Monday marked a year since the day we received the call that Melissa, the birthmom who chose us, had complications and that the baby girl had been stillborn. I will never forget that moment, standing in my kitchen, trying to maintain composure long enough to finish the call with the attorney and call Mike who was at the port ministry that day. It was a few days later when I was talking and crying with Melissa that she told me that she had named the baby girl Angel. She said she was beautiful and perfect. A daughter. We hadn't known she was a girl until she was already gone. I remember crying. A lot. Even now, I'm barely into this post and already crying.
You know how they say that hindsight is 20/20? Well, during those days, I had no idea what God was planning. I knew He had a plan. I knew I could trust Him, but I also knew that I was hurting. Everywhere I looked life didn't seem fair. In my limited vision, I saw people with children and it seemed like it was so easy for them and I didn't understand why God would take Angel away from us. As I look back now with hindsight on this past year, I'm once again overwhelmed by God's love and His perfect plan.
On October 17, 2008, God blessed our family with Jonathan David. He has been such a joy and I have loved the past 11 months of being his mommy. In fact, I can't imagine our life without him. Long before I knew that Mike and I would struggle with having biological kids, God had already planned that we would lose Angel but get to keep Jonathan.
Not only was God's plan perfect, but His timing was perfect as well. We were introduced to the possibility of Jonathan only 8 days after finding out about Angel passing. Had the complications with Melissa's pregnancy not happened when they did, we would have been still waiting on that adoption and missed the chance to meet Jonathan's birthmom.
These past few days I've thought of and prayed for Melissa. Our only contact with her had been through the attorney's office, and we only spoke to her a few times afterwards. I wonder how she is doing and if this week has been rough for her. I've thought of Diana, Jonathan's birthmom, and prayed for her. We send her pictures each month, but she stopped replying to the emails after just a few months. I wonder how she is doing and if we'll ever hear from her again.
Above all, I praise God for His wisdom and for knowing that Jonathan was the perfect fit for our home. I praise Him for giving us the strength to go through each step of the process. I praise Him for the hope that someday I will meet Angel in heaven. God truly is good all the time.
