Works of God Monday...ahem...Tuesday?

Well, I started this post yesterday but found that I really needed to concentrate and wasn't successful. So I figured I could finish it today.

A little background before I go into how God specifically showed Himself mighty to me this week...

While I do well most of the time with the whole adoption process/waiting/not having our own biological kids/etc, the last month or so has been hard for me. We had Mother's Day at church. While a day meant to celebrate motherhood is fine in and of itself, it just seemed like the whole world was celebrating the women who were able to have kids and if you don't have kids, you are a second-class citizen. It is on days like that when I have to remind myself that God is good all the time - even when I hurt because what I have wanted now has not been what God planned for us now. I know all the Christian canned sayings about how everything will work out, how God is in control, how He will bring the perfect child for us in the perfect timing. Unfortunately, in my carnal state, knowing those things doesn't take away the pain, frustration, longing, alone feeling and just general desire to get out of this stage of life.

This past week was especially difficult. We are coming up on vacation up north with my family in Michigan. All of my sisters and their families will be there. Since we started the adoption process, I have been praying that God would give us a baby before this vacation because I didn't want to have another year where Mike and I are the only one without kids. I wanted to be able to take our baby up for this week to spend with my sisters, parents, grandparents, etc. so they could meet him/her as well. With each day that draws closer to vacation, I ache as I know the likelihood of that happening decreases. I'm not discounting that God could still make it work... my nature is just to plan for the worst possible situation so that no matter what happens, the hurt will somehow be less.

So, this is where I was last week. I was frustrated with myself for my growing lack of belief and generally hurting over the whole situation. Believe it or not, I was having to fight the bitterness that I wouldn't be able to be a huge, pregnant woman with all the waddling, stretch marks, labor pains, birth story and everything else that comes with the process. Everyone else might dread it or think that it is just something you have to go through, but I ache for it. I ache for the entire process. I was fighting the hurt and bitterness, knowing that would not make me who I'm supposed to be. Then...

I saw God at work through a friend. I received a small package in the mail that included a card, a CD and a poem she wrote.

The CD was from our Sunday night service last week. Mike had to work and I wasn't feeling good, so we both missed the service. Pastor Monroe was preaching about Sarah's faith. We listened to the CD on the way to and from church on Sunday and the sermon was very good. I told Mike that I was glad I wasn't at church myself because I would probably have sat in the pew crying the whole time. I don't like to cry very often and certainly not in public, but when it comes to this topic, I don't always have the control I would like.

The card she sent was a huge encouragement and let me know that she understands and that she and her husband are praying for us.

The poem was incredible and talked about letting go of what we most want and then when our hands are empty they are available to hold God's hand. I can't really do it justice without posting it and since it isn't my work, I'm not going to post it. However, suffice it to say that she obviously understands where I am right now and opened up enough to show me something personal like that to be an encouragement to me. Since originally posting this, she has given me permission to share the poem with you, so if you would like, you can read it here.

So this week I'm choosing to see God in the act of a friend. I'm choosing to trust God that He does indeed know what is best for me. I'm seriously working on being content with where He has me (I say "seriously working" because this is an issue I have to continue to give back over to God).

While being thankful for this friend and for God not giving up on me, I'm also working to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit when He prompts me to do something for someone else. You never know when what you may view as a simple act can become a work of God in someone else's life.