Update

I want to say a heart-felt thank you to all that have responded so openly to Sandra with emails, cards, words of encouragement and most-appreciated prayer. It has been very obvious that people have been praying for us. It is such a wonderful spirit lifter knowing that no matter how low, hurt and discouraged we can get in life, knowing that we all have a LIVING God that not only hears our hearts cry, but desires to heal our hurts. We may not see that "Balm of Gilead" (that Pastor Stockard mentioned) immediately, but we know that His way and timing is perfect.

Well, I must say that this week has been one for the record books. When Sandra called and told me the news last Sunday all I could say to her was that I was sorry that this happened. I knew of nothing else to say to somehow comfort the heart of my wife that was just ripped out and stomped upon so mercilessly.

I then began to make calls. I was able to call only a few people that I could think of at that time. The hardest one to talk to was Kristin, my sister. I did not think I was as emotionally attached to this adoption process as I guess I am. It was so difficult to tell her that the baby we had been praying for, the one that we felt God was bringing to us special delivery was suddenly gone.

I made only a few other phone calls before I had to stop. I still had to drive home so that I could be with Sandra. On the way one of the phone calls I had left a message with returned my call. It was to James who was one of the few that I could think of to call - mainly because they had gone through a fairly similar ordeal (though I think theirs was more difficult). I knew deep down that they would understand the roller coaster that we had just been forced upon, and would be one of the few that we could go to as we dealt with this going forward.

This week has been good to finally get through. We both stayed busy. Sandra had three volleyball games (they won them all!!! YEAH!!!), practice and a two days helping her sister in Kissimmee. I went to work as usual. Several of my clients knew that we were in the process of adopting so they would routinely seek updates. I like to get fairly personal with my clients. This creates a bond with them that helps to keep them using us.

Then we got some more bad news from the attorneys office. We knew that we were going to be getting back any money that was left over so that we could try to press on when the next baby came along. It was a complete shock to me when they told us we would be getting back less than 1/3 of what we put into it. It was like pouring salt into a fresh wound and then hitting it over and over again. Those of you that know I cut my forehead about 2 weeks ago know that I got stitches. Well, in order for them to do that they had to numb the wound. That meant sticking a needle in the wound and injecting solution. That was nothing compared to the pain of finding out about the low amount of refund.

Well, we went to the football game that night. It was Sr. Appreciation Night and we wanted to be there to support her girls. After halftime Sandra went and spoke to James' wife, Erica. There was much crying, but I think it was good for Sandra to open up to someone that understood where she was at in the grieving process. There are just some things that a woman can't communicate to her husband and she needs that connection with someone that can relate. I am so thankful that James and Erica have made themselves available to us. Their help is not lost in the emotions.

Tomorrow is going to be the first Sunday back since we got "The Call". It is going to be difficult for Sandra tomorrow as I am sure there will be alot of crying, hugs, etc. This will definitely help in the healing process as people will rally around her, but it will be difficult.

As we move forward please pray for the following:

1. That we will be able to move on in the healing process and not be stuck in the Anger Stage.

2. We would be able to sort out the refund issue as we are having a difficult time accepting that they could have spent that much money is so little time. Pray that we will approach them in the right spirit as we want to keep our testimony with the attorney's office.

3. The birth mother. She is out of work and therefore does not have income to pay for bills that we would normally have helped her with in this process. She is also grieving. Even though she was not going to keep the baby, she still lost a part of her.

4. There may be some legal ramifications towards the hospital/doctor(s). This may be a long process.

5. Us as we try to figure out the next steps to take for adoption. We want to keep going, but funds and trust are severely lacking.

If you know of anyone that is thinking of putting their baby up for adoption and you would think it would be a good match, please let us know. We have another attorney that will be a lot cheaper if we could bring the birthmom to her.

Again, a huge thank you for all your prayers and support. Please keep us in your prayers as this is going to be a long healing process.

Michael