To anyone who might come across this post - bear with me. I don't often (at least I don't think so) jump up on my soapbox, but occasionally I can't help it. Things build up in me until I release it. So, take it as my two cents and then move on. :)
Okay, if you know me or have read this blog for long, you know that my husband and I have gone through infertility and the inability to bear a child physically. So yes, I am probably a little biased on this issue.
With that history in perspective, I struggle with the assumptions and expectations out there as well as sometimes seeing what seems like people taking for granted the incredible gift of God to have babies "the natural way".
As I was in college, I watched two of my older sisters struggle with infertility. People would regularly ask, "So, when are you going to start having kids?" without realizing that they were desperately praying and trying. Long before I experienced it firsthand, I learned that this isn't a "kosher" question to ask. You don't know what is going on personally in the lives of that couple. Most often you will be better off to simply not ask the question. If you are burdened about them having a baby, pray for them. Don't ask.
By the way, since those years, one sister adopted two kids and the other miraculously had a son followed by another son followed by a daughter.
If you are privileged to have children that God has given you, recognize it as a gift. The Bible refers to children many times and includesnaming them a treasure and saying basically that blessed is the man who has his "quiver" full of them. Whether you have one child (as we do) or 8 children (as some friends of mine have) or anywhere in the middle, look at them as a blessing. Yes, I recognize that there are days of frustration and that kids can drive you crazy, but each one is a blessing and a gift. People who choose to have 52 children (okay, so exaggerating a little) and have been blessed by God with all the correct working body parts and the ability to have that many should not complain about how their lives have been drastically changed or their dreams have been cut short because of this.
I'll step back down off the soapbox with a sigh, mainly because I still regularly find myself crying at the computer when I come across blogs or comments that seem insensitive to the fact that everyone can't just schedule when and how many children they are going to have.
I love my son beyond belief. I wouldn't trade one moment with him and I'm striving to cherish each and every step of growth in his life. Would I love to have had the privilege of having him grow in my womb? Absolutely. Would I have loved to have the bonding experience of breast feeding him from birth? Definitely. Do I sometimes struggle when I'm in groups of ladies and the topic of pregnancy stories and birth stories comes up? Yep.
God is good. I'm not bitter with the situation God has placed us in. He knew that I would grow through this process. All I'm saying is please be sensitive to those around you.
5 comments:
I hear ya, gal. I hear ya. At first I didn't mind people asking me, but as time wore on, and nothing was happening, it became more difficult. I was very open about how we were trying, and praying, and desperately wanted a child, but I know that some people prefer to keep it more private. In my case, God worked a miracle, and then had the sense of humor to give me another one 14 months later.
I do feel twinges of guilt that we have chosen to only have 2 when I read about others who feel extremely strongly about letting God chose how many you should have. The way my husband looks at it, he knows what he can handle, and if God wants us to have another one, He can make it happen no matter what we do to prevent it.
I hope that nobody ever thinks of adoption as "second best." I think it is AWESOME. You love your son not because he came from you, but because you CHOSE to take him as your own. I also love adoption because it is a picture of how much God loves us, and takes us into His family.
Is there room on your soapbox for me? :o)
Erica,
I would happily share space on my soapbox with you. :)
Sandra, I am just now finally catching up on the recent posts on your blog!! I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your heart on this; it was a great reminder to me that I need to be sensitive to others who are struggling with things like this. I think the infertility issue is something a lot of us never think about until we go through it, or in my case, have several friends who have gone through it. Thanks also for the reminder to be so thankful for the three little blessings that God has given me. :)
So I'm a few years behind. :)
I appreciate this post and as I've been reading through your blog (from the beginning - hours of reading!) I'm finding we are a lot alike in many areas. I wrote a similar post years ago on the topic of getting married. I hated it when people came up to me and asked what I was waiting for or when was it going to be my turn? (Stupid questions!) Anyway ... I'm excited about ... well, about your life, basically! :) Thanks for letting me read about it.
Natalie E.
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