In January of 2011, we began our second round of IVF. This time I knew more what to expect. I knew about the mood swings I would have from the meds. I knew about the pain of the shots. I knew about the potential loss that could come at the end, but I still had great hope. God was so faithful during those tough days. He put people in my life to encourage me, to cry with me, to pray with me and to help me continue on. He gave me Jonathan ahead of time so that as I was still grieving the loss of our twins, I had my little man to take care of and to hug on and to love. He gave me an amazing husband whose patience level is extraordinary who held me when I cried, loved me no matter what mood swing I was going through and supported me each step of the way.
Half way through this round, we ended up postponing it a few months because my body wasn't cooperating with the meds. We picked it back up again in April and in May we had the transfer. Then it was the same waiting game again. The same phone call: "YAY, you're pregnant". The same sonogram where I was so nervous and didn't want to hear the words I heard. "I'm sorry." The beginning of June 2011 brought another miscarriage, two more babies gone ahead to be with the Lord. This miscarriage was different though. It was mentally AND physically brutal. During the middle of it I distinctly remember telling Mike that I couldn't do this again. He understood. He hugged me. He told me loved me. June was a tough month between that loss and reaching the due date of the first twins we had lost. I struggled. I questioned God. I didn't understand why He wouldn't allow this for us. I didn't understand why He wasn't answering my prayers. And even in the midst of that, He was faithful. He brought comfort. And the phrase that I heard over and over at college came back to mind. "God is good, all the time."
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