Okay, so this is a moment to say that I'm struggling. I'm really only three weeks in to my 8 1/2 month sports season...and I'm already burned out. I feel like I'm failing in just about everything in life right now. Do you ever get so tired that you feel that way? Here are my current issues (at least the ones I'm willing to admit):
1. Struggling with balancing volleyball practices which include a jv team, a varsity team and a 10 month old who is mobile. The gym air hasn't been cooling well and they brought in a big floor fan, so I can't just let Jonathan crawl or even run around in his walker because I don't want him to lose a hand in the fan. It is very difficult to keep both teams working effectively at the level they are at and keep up with Jonathan at the same time with no other adult in the gym. I told Mr. Redmon again today that I really need an assistant. What I didn't tell him is that I'm so frustrated and discouraged with the whole process that if things don't change, you can count on this being my last year coaching. With status quo, I'm not the coach the jv team deserves, I'm not the coach the varsity team deserves, and I'm not the mommy that Jonathan deserves. I just CAN'T do it all. He told me he would ask in the meeting tomorrow if there are any volunteers who would like to come help. I'm not holding my breath.
2. Struggling with keeping up with my responsibilities at home. I admit it. I'm not the best housekeeper in the world. I tend to let things somehow always get to the point where it takes more work to clean up in a hurry if I need to. I try to stay on top of stuff - you know, the preventative cleaning where if, for example, you straighten the kitchen every evening after supper then it never gets a pileup of dishes or abstract junk that ended up getting put on the counter space. However, a few nights of coming home exhausted and "I'll take care of that later" takes over. Added on to all of this is the fact that Jonathan is loving his newfound mobileness. He can crawl all over and is starting to climb on stuff. I don't feel like I can leave him in the middle of the living room playing and go do some cleaning in another room because I'm worried about what he'll get into while I'm gone. He used to be a maniac sleeper (yes, I know I was spoiled), but this last week he has been working himself into only taking about 15-20 minute naps at a time and then screaming and kneeling in his crib with his face against the bars like a prison inmate.
3. Struggling with my weight. I don't know about you, but this is a battle I've faced since I was in 7th grade. If you look at photos yearly of my life since then, you'll see the pendulum swing. I lose the weight and feel great and then previous habits kick back in and I start putting the weight back on. I get discouraged about that, which somehow only seems to make it worse and the saga continues. Mountain Dew is a serious "comfort food" for me. For instance, I convinced myself that I needed a one liter bottle of Mountain Dew each afternoon of basketball and volleyball camp to get me through the day. Yeah. Probably not so healthy, huh? I like to joke that I haven't lost my pregnancy weight yet, but that really isn't funny since I never was pregnant. :(
I could probably go on and on with the list, but I'll leave my confessions at this point right now. So my big question is, how do YOU do it? I know I have a bunch of super moms out there as friends who will have great ideas for how I can do better. How do you multi-task? Any brilliant ideas that might help me survive volleyball season followed by basketball season? For those of you who have been there, how do you keep everything organized at home while chasing down a 10 month old and trying to protect him from as many bumps and bruises as possible? Any good ideas, other than shutting my mouth and not putting the food in, for how to work on the weight issue? Beyond all these, what Scripture do you use to encourage you and lift you up when you just feel like you are failing and you feel discouraged?
Thanks, my friends.
8 comments:
hey, can I ditto everything you just said?? you're so not alone!!! motherhood is the hardest thing you'll ever do - I'm sure you already know but it gets more and more grained into my brain everyday! I will say - get a support system, seriously! and make sure you stay in the Word!!!!
Sandra,
I know it is hard. I have my discouraging moments as well.
A couple of things I can think of -- a carrier for Jonathan that you can put on your back. He would probably enjoy it. I can give you suggestions on ones that would be comfortable.
Housework - I am not the greatest housekeeper either. You don't want to see my office right now or hear Daniel screaming. I keep trying to FLY (www.flylady.net). She has some really great ideas and is also a great encourager.
I know Mike is busy with his work as well, but ask him if he can help you a little around the house as well.
I can't think of any scripture right this moment, but I know music sometimes is a great balm to my soul.
Have to run, Daniel is crying in the pack-n-play and I need to get to bed for work in the morning.
Thanks for the thoughts so far. I do have to clarify since Autum brought it up...Mike is FABULOUS about helping with the house and with Jonathan. It just makes me feel bad because I want him to be able to rest when he finally gets home.
Sandra, I'm going to give you the painful advice that was given to me recently when my motherhood/business/etc. EMPIRE almost came crashing down on top of me: you need to give something up. Something's gotta give. Like you, I am an extremely driven person who thrives on serving, and people count on you to get the job done. (And my "Mountain Dew" is a Diet Pepsi on Friday nights to get me through all the baking!)
However, when you know, deep down in your heart, that you are doing too much, and your husband/kids/home are suffering because of it, the guilt even becomes another stress. (I'm preaching to myself here, too!) It took over a week for that reality to sink in, and I know you can't just quit things cold turkey. What I have decided to do is that over the next year, I am going to give up whatever outside responsibilities I can so that I have more time to focus on my husband/kids/home. That is REALLY hard because I enjoy the "affirmation" I get from all the things I do outside the home, and I get very little of that from the work I do as a wife and mother. It is a sacrifice, but what I have found to be necessary for this season of my life.
That probably wasn't the kind of help you were looking for, but I understand completely what you are going through, and feel peaceful for the first time in a long time since making this decision. I'm praying for wisdom for you and Mike.
"From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." (Ps. 61:2)
Personally, I get the most from reading through the Psalms. David seems to pour out his heart and faced many seemingly "insurmountable" troubles in his life.
For all that you've shared, just said it perfectly - you really can't do it all. God has to direct your steps and strengthen you every day. I am certainly not perfect in my relationship with Him or with the balancing act either. If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know. I can watch Jonathan some more for you or I have a small activity center that you could borrow to keep at the gym.
I'll be praying for you. All of us moms need that! :o)
Solution to all: Move in with Julie.
Ooops. This is Julie commenting.
few things that i do to try and help me... those feelings of being overwhelmed usually show me one of two things:
1) i'm trying to "juggle" something, usually good, that God never meant for me to toss up in the air;
2) i'm doing what God wants me to do, but huffing and puffing along in my own strength instead of drawing from Him.
and with me, it can very easily be one or the other. figuring that out helps long term.
for the short term - you know those portable play yards you can set up??? set one up around the fan so that it is caged and then let jonathan run around the gym... and try and figure out a way to incorporate him into some aspects of the training (you'll have to be creative there - knowing what you want to do/accomplish as you craft practices for your gals). have the girls take turns helping to care for him... if everyone gives a 15 minutes shift 1-2 times per week, they still have the benefit of your coaching and jonathan gets all sorts of new friends. or... see if there are different moms who can donate a bit of time each week. i feel your pain - i was teaching swimming/water polo with a baby on my hip this last april-june.
clutter - well, first of all, i've had to learn to accept a certain amount of clutter - too many people living in a small space leads to that. then, i have to let go of my pride and accept that i work to keep the house at a status where others won't be embarrassed for me, but then remember that relationships are more important that spotless housekeeping - which gives my pride a lickin', kwim?
as far as the weight - the only way i can do it is to NOT keep the stuff around that lead to weight gain. when we do buy that sort of stuff, we pay cash - b/c that makes us very aware of exactly how much we are spending - and if i i don't have the cash on me, then i can't. no juices, gatorades, pops, etc. we drink water/milk and then run out to buy a 2L if we want it for a special occasion. we only eat snacks that i've made from scratch or that have been given to us. i also find when i cook all that "stuff" - i don't eat as much. and then, we we do splurge (i.e. the pizza we ordered tonight), i can enjoy it while remembering that tomorrow... and the next week... i need to be extra good. lots fresh fruits and veggies, too.
those are a few ideas, for what the are worth. thinking of you...
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