After recovering physically from the second round of losing our babies, we began discussing whether or not to continue. Mike was supportive of whatever I wanted to do. It was hard on him to have to watch me go through the miscarriage and the loss, but he would support me if I wanted to continue on. We decided that God had directed us on this path in the beginning and to continue forward until He closed the door. So, in September, it all started again. The shots. The mood swings. The anticipation, fear and hope (all mingled into one).
We got to the same magic phone call, made it past each bloodwork where the numbers needed to improve and they improved, but we knew that unless we could get past that 6.5 week sonogram, we would be going through the same pain and loss as before. The sonogram was scheduled. It would be at 7 weeks, 1 day. The day before Thanksgiving. My parents would be in town. So many of our plans hung on whether or not we got good news at that sonogram. As much as I was hoping and praying for good news, my heart was trying to prepare itself to hear the same old news.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Backstory - IVF Part 2
In January of 2011, we began our second round of IVF. This time I knew more what to expect. I knew about the mood swings I would have from the meds. I knew about the pain of the shots. I knew about the potential loss that could come at the end, but I still had great hope. God was so faithful during those tough days. He put people in my life to encourage me, to cry with me, to pray with me and to help me continue on. He gave me Jonathan ahead of time so that as I was still grieving the loss of our twins, I had my little man to take care of and to hug on and to love. He gave me an amazing husband whose patience level is extraordinary who held me when I cried, loved me no matter what mood swing I was going through and supported me each step of the way.
Half way through this round, we ended up postponing it a few months because my body wasn't cooperating with the meds. We picked it back up again in April and in May we had the transfer. Then it was the same waiting game again. The same phone call: "YAY, you're pregnant". The same sonogram where I was so nervous and didn't want to hear the words I heard. "I'm sorry." The beginning of June 2011 brought another miscarriage, two more babies gone ahead to be with the Lord. This miscarriage was different though. It was mentally AND physically brutal. During the middle of it I distinctly remember telling Mike that I couldn't do this again. He understood. He hugged me. He told me loved me. June was a tough month between that loss and reaching the due date of the first twins we had lost. I struggled. I questioned God. I didn't understand why He wouldn't allow this for us. I didn't understand why He wasn't answering my prayers. And even in the midst of that, He was faithful. He brought comfort. And the phrase that I heard over and over at college came back to mind. "God is good, all the time."
Half way through this round, we ended up postponing it a few months because my body wasn't cooperating with the meds. We picked it back up again in April and in May we had the transfer. Then it was the same waiting game again. The same phone call: "YAY, you're pregnant". The same sonogram where I was so nervous and didn't want to hear the words I heard. "I'm sorry." The beginning of June 2011 brought another miscarriage, two more babies gone ahead to be with the Lord. This miscarriage was different though. It was mentally AND physically brutal. During the middle of it I distinctly remember telling Mike that I couldn't do this again. He understood. He hugged me. He told me loved me. June was a tough month between that loss and reaching the due date of the first twins we had lost. I struggled. I questioned God. I didn't understand why He wouldn't allow this for us. I didn't understand why He wasn't answering my prayers. And even in the midst of that, He was faithful. He brought comfort. And the phrase that I heard over and over at college came back to mind. "God is good, all the time."
Backstory - IVF Part 1
When Jonathan was about a year and a half old, my heart started aching for another baby. I wanted Jonathan to have a brother or sister. I wanted the kids to grow up close in age so they could play sports together and go to school together and be best of friends.
We heard about a potential out-of-state adoption and I started getting my hopes up. The mom was working with a pastor's wife that a friend connected us to. From the beginning it wasn't a guaranteed thing at all. The pastor's wife was very up front with us about where this mom was and that she really wasn't ready for adoption. Even though that gave time for the Holy Spirit to prepare my heart for the loss, it was still hard to get the news that it was official. Please don't misunderstand me, I absolutely believe that it was her right to want to keep her baby. I wasn't upset with the mom. At that point, I was more frustrated with the adoption process and knowing that I had to wait for someone to give up a baby that I longed for so desperately before we could have another child.
Mike and I began talking and praying about the fertility options. We had heard back on my nephew that his form of muscular distrophy was not hereditary. So, we started the appointments. After more testing, they thought there was a 60-80% chance that we could conceive through fertility treatments. I found a program that allowed us to have up to six attempts for one price and if we were not able to have a baby, we would receive back a significant portion of the money we paid to get in the program. So, in August of 2010, we began the IVF journey. It was an exciting, scary thing all at once. I will never forget when my first box of medicine arrived. Suddenly I realized that all of those injections had to go in my body and it was overwhelming.
We survived through all the injections, the surgery to remove the eggs, the procedure to put them back and the waiting began. Then I got the phone call I will never forget: I was pregnant! A week later, the morning sickness began. Then at 6.5 weeks we had the sonogram to see if one or two babies had attached. I'll never forget the words, "I'm not seeing what I should be seeing." Twins had attached, but were already gone. We went home to grieve the loss of the babies we had already loved so much.
The miscarriage was natural and not brutal physically, but mentally very difficult. We had committed to the journey though and after recovering, began looking at what came next.
We heard about a potential out-of-state adoption and I started getting my hopes up. The mom was working with a pastor's wife that a friend connected us to. From the beginning it wasn't a guaranteed thing at all. The pastor's wife was very up front with us about where this mom was and that she really wasn't ready for adoption. Even though that gave time for the Holy Spirit to prepare my heart for the loss, it was still hard to get the news that it was official. Please don't misunderstand me, I absolutely believe that it was her right to want to keep her baby. I wasn't upset with the mom. At that point, I was more frustrated with the adoption process and knowing that I had to wait for someone to give up a baby that I longed for so desperately before we could have another child.
Mike and I began talking and praying about the fertility options. We had heard back on my nephew that his form of muscular distrophy was not hereditary. So, we started the appointments. After more testing, they thought there was a 60-80% chance that we could conceive through fertility treatments. I found a program that allowed us to have up to six attempts for one price and if we were not able to have a baby, we would receive back a significant portion of the money we paid to get in the program. So, in August of 2010, we began the IVF journey. It was an exciting, scary thing all at once. I will never forget when my first box of medicine arrived. Suddenly I realized that all of those injections had to go in my body and it was overwhelming.
We survived through all the injections, the surgery to remove the eggs, the procedure to put them back and the waiting began. Then I got the phone call I will never forget: I was pregnant! A week later, the morning sickness began. Then at 6.5 weeks we had the sonogram to see if one or two babies had attached. I'll never forget the words, "I'm not seeing what I should be seeing." Twins had attached, but were already gone. We went home to grieve the loss of the babies we had already loved so much.
The miscarriage was natural and not brutal physically, but mentally very difficult. We had committed to the journey though and after recovering, began looking at what came next.
Backstory - Jonathan's Adoption
Many of you who have been close to us know the backstory to how we got where we are, but for those of you who do not, here it is in a nutshell:
Mike and I have now been married almost 8.5 years. Our first two years we were happy not to have any kids come along. We selfishly wanted that time to ourselves before starting a family. Like most couples, we assumed that when we wanted to have kids, it would be a simple process without any roadblocks.
Much to our surprise, that was not the path God had chosen for us. After more than a year of the ups and downs of trying to have a baby, we went in for testing to see if we could find out what was wrong. The answer from the doctors was that we would have about a 1 in a million chance of conceiving on our own and that we should pursue fertility treatments. At the time, one of my nephews was diagnosed with muscular distrophy and they started checking to see if it was hereditary. We decided to wait on meeting with the fertility doctors until we got that answer.
In the mean time, some friends from our Sunday School class came to talk to us about adoption and about a possibility out there. We felt like God was leading us in that direction for a reason and we began the journey of all that is entailed in domestic adoption. In the spring of 2008, we had all of our paperwork turned in and our homestudy done. In August, we got the call that we had been chosen by a birth mom who was due in January. That was a very exciting time. Then in the end of September, we got the call that she had some complications and ended up delivering the baby girl stillborn. I know many don't understand the feeling of loss from the adoptive parents, after all, she hadn't been growing in my tummy. The difference was, though, that she already a home in my heart. One week later, the adoption agency called us and asked if we were willing to meet with another mom. Less than 3 weeks later, our precious Jonathan David was born and came home with us. He is a perfect fit for our family and we are so thankful for the way God directed our journey to lead us to him.
Mike and I have now been married almost 8.5 years. Our first two years we were happy not to have any kids come along. We selfishly wanted that time to ourselves before starting a family. Like most couples, we assumed that when we wanted to have kids, it would be a simple process without any roadblocks.
Much to our surprise, that was not the path God had chosen for us. After more than a year of the ups and downs of trying to have a baby, we went in for testing to see if we could find out what was wrong. The answer from the doctors was that we would have about a 1 in a million chance of conceiving on our own and that we should pursue fertility treatments. At the time, one of my nephews was diagnosed with muscular distrophy and they started checking to see if it was hereditary. We decided to wait on meeting with the fertility doctors until we got that answer.
In the mean time, some friends from our Sunday School class came to talk to us about adoption and about a possibility out there. We felt like God was leading us in that direction for a reason and we began the journey of all that is entailed in domestic adoption. In the spring of 2008, we had all of our paperwork turned in and our homestudy done. In August, we got the call that we had been chosen by a birth mom who was due in January. That was a very exciting time. Then in the end of September, we got the call that she had some complications and ended up delivering the baby girl stillborn. I know many don't understand the feeling of loss from the adoptive parents, after all, she hadn't been growing in my tummy. The difference was, though, that she already a home in my heart. One week later, the adoption agency called us and asked if we were willing to meet with another mom. Less than 3 weeks later, our precious Jonathan David was born and came home with us. He is a perfect fit for our family and we are so thankful for the way God directed our journey to lead us to him.
Baby Info Taking Over The Blog
So, as I was not sleeping last night, I started thinking about taking over the blog to talk about baby stuff and our journey from one awesome son to four awesome children (all in a short period of time). This will allow those who want to track things and want to hear about it to come follow us in our journey. It will also give me a place to put the information that isn't facebook. After all that we have gone through in our efforts to have children, I don't want to be the one who effectively rubs it in the face of others who might be going through the same heartache that we've been through. By putting it here, if they don't want to see it, they don't have to.
So, welcome to our journey. More to come soon.
So, welcome to our journey. More to come soon.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Amazon - Starbucks Natural Fusions Coffee Deal
Hey everyone. I just heard about this deal on Amazon for Starbucks Natural Fusions Coffee for $6.50 for a 2pack shipped.
Go to Amazon and add either one of the following products to your cart:
Starbucks Natural Fusions Ground Coffee, Cinnamon Flavored, 11-Ounce Packages (Pack of 2)
or:
Starbucks Natural Fusions Ground Coffee, Vanilla Flavored, 11-Ounce Packages (Pack of 2)
The coupon codes to be used at checkout are: FUSIONC5 and STARBUK3 which should bring your total down to $6.50 for a 2pack.
You can get free shipping if you aren't currently a member of Amazon Prime by applying for Amazon Mom, which is a program for caregivers that gives you free Amazon Prime membership for three months (and with the Amazon Prime you get free shipping).
I don't drink coffee, so I haven't personally tried this one out yet, so if you do happen to try it and find that it isn't bringing the total down to $6.50 a 2pack, will you let me know?
Go to Amazon and add either one of the following products to your cart:
Starbucks Natural Fusions Ground Coffee, Cinnamon Flavored, 11-Ounce Packages (Pack of 2)
or:
Starbucks Natural Fusions Ground Coffee, Vanilla Flavored, 11-Ounce Packages (Pack of 2)
The coupon codes to be used at checkout are: FUSIONC5 and STARBUK3 which should bring your total down to $6.50 for a 2pack.
You can get free shipping if you aren't currently a member of Amazon Prime by applying for Amazon Mom, which is a program for caregivers that gives you free Amazon Prime membership for three months (and with the Amazon Prime you get free shipping).
I don't drink coffee, so I haven't personally tried this one out yet, so if you do happen to try it and find that it isn't bringing the total down to $6.50 a 2pack, will you let me know?
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Wow.
I'm seriously behind the times when it comes to blogging. I have to admit that I spend much more time keeping up with Facebook than I do keeping up with the blog.
One of the reasons I wanted to post tonight was to let you know that I'm getting setup as an Amazon Affiliate which basically means that if you plan to purchase something from Amazon, and you follow my link, I get a small referral fee.
This is a new adventure for me and I'm looking forward to seeing what potential might be there. You know how it is - in this economy, you have to do everything you possibly can to make those ends meet. I'm also trying to work to save some money aside for our ten year anniversary, which is only about 2.5 years away. CRAZY. We want to do something special since we never went on a honeymoon, so I'm setting aside for that a percentage of the profit from various endeavors I tackle.
Feel free to spread the word to any of your friends who might consider purchasing something from Amazon. All you need to do is follow the link from the sidebar. Thanks!
One of the reasons I wanted to post tonight was to let you know that I'm getting setup as an Amazon Affiliate which basically means that if you plan to purchase something from Amazon, and you follow my link, I get a small referral fee.
This is a new adventure for me and I'm looking forward to seeing what potential might be there. You know how it is - in this economy, you have to do everything you possibly can to make those ends meet. I'm also trying to work to save some money aside for our ten year anniversary, which is only about 2.5 years away. CRAZY. We want to do something special since we never went on a honeymoon, so I'm setting aside for that a percentage of the profit from various endeavors I tackle.
Feel free to spread the word to any of your friends who might consider purchasing something from Amazon. All you need to do is follow the link from the sidebar. Thanks!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Big Meeting
Thanks to those of you who prayed for our meeting with Jonathan's birthmom. This was the first time we've seen her in person since she was discharged from the hospital after he was born. We've sent pictures all throughout the past 15 months. After his birthday, our agreement only required us to send pictures once annually, but we asked her what her preference would be continuing forward. We want to always be sensitive to her. If she wants to see pictures, she can. If she doesn't want to see them, we won't send them. She did thank us for sending more pictures and for being willing to meet with her and let her see him even though we do not have to based on our adoption agreement.
Around Christmas we were thinking that it might be nice to ask if she wanted to see him. It took until now to find a time that worked for all of us. We were able to get some pictures with Jonathan and his brothers together as well as a few with Jonathan and his birthmom. Those are pictures that we'll be able to set aside and far down the road be able to share with Jonathan when the timing is right. Obviously I won't post the pictures here as she deserves to maintain her privacy and not have her picture out on the web.
As we walked away from the meeting, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. We had a good meeting. She was able to see him interact with us, ask questions and know that he is in a great home and loved beyond measure. I'm thankful that she is still at peace about her decision (something both she and her mom, who was there as well, shared with me).
We have been blessed. Jonathan is amazing and it is hard to imagine him not being a part of our lives, but that absolutely would have been true had she not chosen the route of adoption and picked us to rear him. I praise God for His leading in our lives and in her life to bring us together.
Around Christmas we were thinking that it might be nice to ask if she wanted to see him. It took until now to find a time that worked for all of us. We were able to get some pictures with Jonathan and his brothers together as well as a few with Jonathan and his birthmom. Those are pictures that we'll be able to set aside and far down the road be able to share with Jonathan when the timing is right. Obviously I won't post the pictures here as she deserves to maintain her privacy and not have her picture out on the web.
As we walked away from the meeting, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. We had a good meeting. She was able to see him interact with us, ask questions and know that he is in a great home and loved beyond measure. I'm thankful that she is still at peace about her decision (something both she and her mom, who was there as well, shared with me).
We have been blessed. Jonathan is amazing and it is hard to imagine him not being a part of our lives, but that absolutely would have been true had she not chosen the route of adoption and picked us to rear him. I praise God for His leading in our lives and in her life to bring us together.
Monday, February 01, 2010
My Christmas Tree
Okay, so at this point, if you even remotely know us, you know that I love to joke around that I'm married to the Grinch. He isn't really a Grinch but mainly just rejects the commercialism that surrounds Christmas. So, for the 6.5 years we have been married, there have been no Christmas decorations found adorning our home around the holidays. This year Jonathan turned 14 months just before Christmas. I started telling Mike that this might have to be the last year he can be a Grinch and that next year I would like to have a tree since Jonathan will be more aware of what is going on around him next year. We can develop our own Christmas traditions and as a family we can make sure that our Christmas is not enveloped in commercialism and yes, we can do that WITH a Christmas tree.So after Christmas I began looking for an artificial tree on sale. I was hoping to hit the good deals at Target or something and find one to stash for next year. Well, I was walking through Walgreens one day and saw a sign on one of their store display trees that said "Open Box Christmas Tree, $14.99". So, I asked one of the employees if that meant that they do actually have the box or if it came without the box. She asked a manager and the manager came back and said if I wanted it I could have it for $5.00. I decided I would take it and kind of assumed they would take off the decorations, but instead they just pushed it over to the beauty counter and told me I could check out there.
In the mean time, the reason I was at Walgreens is that for the month of January, using coupons from back in October, you could get 2 Bayer Blood Glucose Monitors for free and it would spit out $13.00 in Walgreens Money. I believe that over the course of the month I picked up somewhere in the vicinity of 165 meters. For those of you doing math in your head, that is approximately $1072.50 in Walgreens money that I earned last month to spend on diapers, milk, food and etc...
So back to my Christmas tree. I went to check out and my total was $5.35 and they didn't remove ANY of the decorations. Bonus. I handed her one of the aforementioned Walgreens money (AKA Register Rewards) that I got free. She didn't think she could use it on a clearance item but the manager told her that if the register would accept it, she could take it. One quick scan later, my total was $0.35 for my Christmas tree. Almost giddy with excitement, I handed her the change and with one hand on the cart containing my son and one hand carrying my artificial tree, blissfully walked out to the car. I did have some fun getting it in, but the fact that I had a Christmas tree and even more so that I only paid $0.35 in real money for it completely made my day.
Oh yes, and my favorite Grinch's response? He claimed that I defiled his house by bringing the tree in it. I think he really is okay with it though. Now if I could just find a box to store it in for the next year...now if I only had a garage to store the box in for the next year...oh well. Today I choose to be thankful for my tree.
PS...for the life of me, I can't get the paragraph spacing to work, so you'll just have to imagine they are there. It is actually driving me crazy...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
A Few Christmas Pictures
Here are some pictures of us the Sunday after Christmas. I love Jonathan's little outfit. I found this outfit at Sears a few months before we even knew about Jonathan. It was normally $30.00 on sale for $14.99 on CLEARANCE for $1.49. WHOHOO. I picked it up thinking that maybe I would use it as a shower gift or something. Little did I know at that time that God had already planned the little man who would perfectly fit this outfit this Christmas. Praise the Lord.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Family Portrait
Mike's mom was with us for Christmas, so we had her take a family picture before we went on a walk with the dogs. Here we are - all seven of us - getting everyone to look at once - virtually impossible.
He's WALKING
Hey Everyone, sorry that it has been so long since I updated. I tend to do a lot more updating on Facebook nowadays since I can better control who sees our information. However, I know a few of you don't use Facebook, so just for you, here is little man walking:
Yes, I know there is no video to see yet. I tried uploading it and it thought and thought and thought and never finished. I finally gave up. The video isn't that long, so I'm not sure what the hold up is. I'll try again tomorrow. Instead I will give you a picture of him that I love - this is my current favorite...
Monday, November 30, 2009
Flying
After seeing the link to the website for a long time, I finally visited the fly lady website this past week and I'm happy to say that I am about 8 days into having a shiny sink. Sometimes I look around the house and I see fifty things that need to get done and no way to get them done before I leave for practice. I signed up for the email list and have started following some of the structured habits they encourage you to get into.
I can't say I've bought into everything hook, line and sinker. I haven't bought any of the 52 great items they try to sell you to make your cleaning easier. But, on this, day 8 of a clean and shiny sink, I'm thankful for how it has helped me already.
I can't say I've bought into everything hook, line and sinker. I haven't bought any of the 52 great items they try to sell you to make your cleaning easier. But, on this, day 8 of a clean and shiny sink, I'm thankful for how it has helped me already.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Still Alive
Yes, I'm still alive. I have been crazy busy, but I promise to do a real update with pictures and everything within the next couple of days. :)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
In Memory of Angel
Well, this post has been in my mind for a few days now, but I just haven't sat down to write it. It is late, so bear with me - my thoughts might still end up jumbled a little.
Monday marked a year since the day we received the call that Melissa, the birthmom who chose us, had complications and that the baby girl had been stillborn. I will never forget that moment, standing in my kitchen, trying to maintain composure long enough to finish the call with the attorney and call Mike who was at the port ministry that day. It was a few days later when I was talking and crying with Melissa that she told me that she had named the baby girl Angel. She said she was beautiful and perfect. A daughter. We hadn't known she was a girl until she was already gone. I remember crying. A lot. Even now, I'm barely into this post and already crying.
You know how they say that hindsight is 20/20? Well, during those days, I had no idea what God was planning. I knew He had a plan. I knew I could trust Him, but I also knew that I was hurting. Everywhere I looked life didn't seem fair. In my limited vision, I saw people with children and it seemed like it was so easy for them and I didn't understand why God would take Angel away from us. As I look back now with hindsight on this past year, I'm once again overwhelmed by God's love and His perfect plan.
On October 17, 2008, God blessed our family with Jonathan David. He has been such a joy and I have loved the past 11 months of being his mommy. In fact, I can't imagine our life without him. Long before I knew that Mike and I would struggle with having biological kids, God had already planned that we would lose Angel but get to keep Jonathan.
Not only was God's plan perfect, but His timing was perfect as well. We were introduced to the possibility of Jonathan only 8 days after finding out about Angel passing. Had the complications with Melissa's pregnancy not happened when they did, we would have been still waiting on that adoption and missed the chance to meet Jonathan's birthmom.
These past few days I've thought of and prayed for Melissa. Our only contact with her had been through the attorney's office, and we only spoke to her a few times afterwards. I wonder how she is doing and if this week has been rough for her. I've thought of Diana, Jonathan's birthmom, and prayed for her. We send her pictures each month, but she stopped replying to the emails after just a few months. I wonder how she is doing and if we'll ever hear from her again.
Above all, I praise God for His wisdom and for knowing that Jonathan was the perfect fit for our home. I praise Him for giving us the strength to go through each step of the process. I praise Him for the hope that someday I will meet Angel in heaven. God truly is good all the time.
Monday marked a year since the day we received the call that Melissa, the birthmom who chose us, had complications and that the baby girl had been stillborn. I will never forget that moment, standing in my kitchen, trying to maintain composure long enough to finish the call with the attorney and call Mike who was at the port ministry that day. It was a few days later when I was talking and crying with Melissa that she told me that she had named the baby girl Angel. She said she was beautiful and perfect. A daughter. We hadn't known she was a girl until she was already gone. I remember crying. A lot. Even now, I'm barely into this post and already crying.
You know how they say that hindsight is 20/20? Well, during those days, I had no idea what God was planning. I knew He had a plan. I knew I could trust Him, but I also knew that I was hurting. Everywhere I looked life didn't seem fair. In my limited vision, I saw people with children and it seemed like it was so easy for them and I didn't understand why God would take Angel away from us. As I look back now with hindsight on this past year, I'm once again overwhelmed by God's love and His perfect plan.
On October 17, 2008, God blessed our family with Jonathan David. He has been such a joy and I have loved the past 11 months of being his mommy. In fact, I can't imagine our life without him. Long before I knew that Mike and I would struggle with having biological kids, God had already planned that we would lose Angel but get to keep Jonathan.
Not only was God's plan perfect, but His timing was perfect as well. We were introduced to the possibility of Jonathan only 8 days after finding out about Angel passing. Had the complications with Melissa's pregnancy not happened when they did, we would have been still waiting on that adoption and missed the chance to meet Jonathan's birthmom.
These past few days I've thought of and prayed for Melissa. Our only contact with her had been through the attorney's office, and we only spoke to her a few times afterwards. I wonder how she is doing and if this week has been rough for her. I've thought of Diana, Jonathan's birthmom, and prayed for her. We send her pictures each month, but she stopped replying to the emails after just a few months. I wonder how she is doing and if we'll ever hear from her again.
Above all, I praise God for His wisdom and for knowing that Jonathan was the perfect fit for our home. I praise Him for giving us the strength to go through each step of the process. I praise Him for the hope that someday I will meet Angel in heaven. God truly is good all the time.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Jonathan, Casey, Cody and the Nursery...
Jonathan likes to crawl over to the kennel and see the dogs. This is him with Casey. Lately he has been using the kennel to help pull himself up to stand. He's getting so big!
This is a picture of the nursery/guest bedroom with my super cool favorite new feature: the light blocking curtain. WHOHOO!
Here is Cody telling Jonathan how much he loves him. :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Help! How Do You Do It?
Okay, so this is a moment to say that I'm struggling. I'm really only three weeks in to my 8 1/2 month sports season...and I'm already burned out. I feel like I'm failing in just about everything in life right now. Do you ever get so tired that you feel that way? Here are my current issues (at least the ones I'm willing to admit):
1. Struggling with balancing volleyball practices which include a jv team, a varsity team and a 10 month old who is mobile. The gym air hasn't been cooling well and they brought in a big floor fan, so I can't just let Jonathan crawl or even run around in his walker because I don't want him to lose a hand in the fan. It is very difficult to keep both teams working effectively at the level they are at and keep up with Jonathan at the same time with no other adult in the gym. I told Mr. Redmon again today that I really need an assistant. What I didn't tell him is that I'm so frustrated and discouraged with the whole process that if things don't change, you can count on this being my last year coaching. With status quo, I'm not the coach the jv team deserves, I'm not the coach the varsity team deserves, and I'm not the mommy that Jonathan deserves. I just CAN'T do it all. He told me he would ask in the meeting tomorrow if there are any volunteers who would like to come help. I'm not holding my breath.
2. Struggling with keeping up with my responsibilities at home. I admit it. I'm not the best housekeeper in the world. I tend to let things somehow always get to the point where it takes more work to clean up in a hurry if I need to. I try to stay on top of stuff - you know, the preventative cleaning where if, for example, you straighten the kitchen every evening after supper then it never gets a pileup of dishes or abstract junk that ended up getting put on the counter space. However, a few nights of coming home exhausted and "I'll take care of that later" takes over. Added on to all of this is the fact that Jonathan is loving his newfound mobileness. He can crawl all over and is starting to climb on stuff. I don't feel like I can leave him in the middle of the living room playing and go do some cleaning in another room because I'm worried about what he'll get into while I'm gone. He used to be a maniac sleeper (yes, I know I was spoiled), but this last week he has been working himself into only taking about 15-20 minute naps at a time and then screaming and kneeling in his crib with his face against the bars like a prison inmate.
3. Struggling with my weight. I don't know about you, but this is a battle I've faced since I was in 7th grade. If you look at photos yearly of my life since then, you'll see the pendulum swing. I lose the weight and feel great and then previous habits kick back in and I start putting the weight back on. I get discouraged about that, which somehow only seems to make it worse and the saga continues. Mountain Dew is a serious "comfort food" for me. For instance, I convinced myself that I needed a one liter bottle of Mountain Dew each afternoon of basketball and volleyball camp to get me through the day. Yeah. Probably not so healthy, huh? I like to joke that I haven't lost my pregnancy weight yet, but that really isn't funny since I never was pregnant. :(
I could probably go on and on with the list, but I'll leave my confessions at this point right now. So my big question is, how do YOU do it? I know I have a bunch of super moms out there as friends who will have great ideas for how I can do better. How do you multi-task? Any brilliant ideas that might help me survive volleyball season followed by basketball season? For those of you who have been there, how do you keep everything organized at home while chasing down a 10 month old and trying to protect him from as many bumps and bruises as possible? Any good ideas, other than shutting my mouth and not putting the food in, for how to work on the weight issue? Beyond all these, what Scripture do you use to encourage you and lift you up when you just feel like you are failing and you feel discouraged?
Thanks, my friends.
1. Struggling with balancing volleyball practices which include a jv team, a varsity team and a 10 month old who is mobile. The gym air hasn't been cooling well and they brought in a big floor fan, so I can't just let Jonathan crawl or even run around in his walker because I don't want him to lose a hand in the fan. It is very difficult to keep both teams working effectively at the level they are at and keep up with Jonathan at the same time with no other adult in the gym. I told Mr. Redmon again today that I really need an assistant. What I didn't tell him is that I'm so frustrated and discouraged with the whole process that if things don't change, you can count on this being my last year coaching. With status quo, I'm not the coach the jv team deserves, I'm not the coach the varsity team deserves, and I'm not the mommy that Jonathan deserves. I just CAN'T do it all. He told me he would ask in the meeting tomorrow if there are any volunteers who would like to come help. I'm not holding my breath.
2. Struggling with keeping up with my responsibilities at home. I admit it. I'm not the best housekeeper in the world. I tend to let things somehow always get to the point where it takes more work to clean up in a hurry if I need to. I try to stay on top of stuff - you know, the preventative cleaning where if, for example, you straighten the kitchen every evening after supper then it never gets a pileup of dishes or abstract junk that ended up getting put on the counter space. However, a few nights of coming home exhausted and "I'll take care of that later" takes over. Added on to all of this is the fact that Jonathan is loving his newfound mobileness. He can crawl all over and is starting to climb on stuff. I don't feel like I can leave him in the middle of the living room playing and go do some cleaning in another room because I'm worried about what he'll get into while I'm gone. He used to be a maniac sleeper (yes, I know I was spoiled), but this last week he has been working himself into only taking about 15-20 minute naps at a time and then screaming and kneeling in his crib with his face against the bars like a prison inmate.
3. Struggling with my weight. I don't know about you, but this is a battle I've faced since I was in 7th grade. If you look at photos yearly of my life since then, you'll see the pendulum swing. I lose the weight and feel great and then previous habits kick back in and I start putting the weight back on. I get discouraged about that, which somehow only seems to make it worse and the saga continues. Mountain Dew is a serious "comfort food" for me. For instance, I convinced myself that I needed a one liter bottle of Mountain Dew each afternoon of basketball and volleyball camp to get me through the day. Yeah. Probably not so healthy, huh? I like to joke that I haven't lost my pregnancy weight yet, but that really isn't funny since I never was pregnant. :(
I could probably go on and on with the list, but I'll leave my confessions at this point right now. So my big question is, how do YOU do it? I know I have a bunch of super moms out there as friends who will have great ideas for how I can do better. How do you multi-task? Any brilliant ideas that might help me survive volleyball season followed by basketball season? For those of you who have been there, how do you keep everything organized at home while chasing down a 10 month old and trying to protect him from as many bumps and bruises as possible? Any good ideas, other than shutting my mouth and not putting the food in, for how to work on the weight issue? Beyond all these, what Scripture do you use to encourage you and lift you up when you just feel like you are failing and you feel discouraged?
Thanks, my friends.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Stepping Up On The Soapbox To Remind...
To anyone who might come across this post - bear with me. I don't often (at least I don't think so) jump up on my soapbox, but occasionally I can't help it. Things build up in me until I release it. So, take it as my two cents and then move on. :)
Okay, if you know me or have read this blog for long, you know that my husband and I have gone through infertility and the inability to bear a child physically. So yes, I am probably a little biased on this issue.
With that history in perspective, I struggle with the assumptions and expectations out there as well as sometimes seeing what seems like people taking for granted the incredible gift of God to have babies "the natural way".
As I was in college, I watched two of my older sisters struggle with infertility. People would regularly ask, "So, when are you going to start having kids?" without realizing that they were desperately praying and trying. Long before I experienced it firsthand, I learned that this isn't a "kosher" question to ask. You don't know what is going on personally in the lives of that couple. Most often you will be better off to simply not ask the question. If you are burdened about them having a baby, pray for them. Don't ask.
By the way, since those years, one sister adopted two kids and the other miraculously had a son followed by another son followed by a daughter.
If you are privileged to have children that God has given you, recognize it as a gift. The Bible refers to children many times and includesnaming them a treasure and saying basically that blessed is the man who has his "quiver" full of them. Whether you have one child (as we do) or 8 children (as some friends of mine have) or anywhere in the middle, look at them as a blessing. Yes, I recognize that there are days of frustration and that kids can drive you crazy, but each one is a blessing and a gift. People who choose to have 52 children (okay, so exaggerating a little) and have been blessed by God with all the correct working body parts and the ability to have that many should not complain about how their lives have been drastically changed or their dreams have been cut short because of this.
I'll step back down off the soapbox with a sigh, mainly because I still regularly find myself crying at the computer when I come across blogs or comments that seem insensitive to the fact that everyone can't just schedule when and how many children they are going to have.
I love my son beyond belief. I wouldn't trade one moment with him and I'm striving to cherish each and every step of growth in his life. Would I love to have had the privilege of having him grow in my womb? Absolutely. Would I have loved to have the bonding experience of breast feeding him from birth? Definitely. Do I sometimes struggle when I'm in groups of ladies and the topic of pregnancy stories and birth stories comes up? Yep.
God is good. I'm not bitter with the situation God has placed us in. He knew that I would grow through this process. All I'm saying is please be sensitive to those around you.
Okay, if you know me or have read this blog for long, you know that my husband and I have gone through infertility and the inability to bear a child physically. So yes, I am probably a little biased on this issue.
With that history in perspective, I struggle with the assumptions and expectations out there as well as sometimes seeing what seems like people taking for granted the incredible gift of God to have babies "the natural way".
As I was in college, I watched two of my older sisters struggle with infertility. People would regularly ask, "So, when are you going to start having kids?" without realizing that they were desperately praying and trying. Long before I experienced it firsthand, I learned that this isn't a "kosher" question to ask. You don't know what is going on personally in the lives of that couple. Most often you will be better off to simply not ask the question. If you are burdened about them having a baby, pray for them. Don't ask.
By the way, since those years, one sister adopted two kids and the other miraculously had a son followed by another son followed by a daughter.
If you are privileged to have children that God has given you, recognize it as a gift. The Bible refers to children many times and includesnaming them a treasure and saying basically that blessed is the man who has his "quiver" full of them. Whether you have one child (as we do) or 8 children (as some friends of mine have) or anywhere in the middle, look at them as a blessing. Yes, I recognize that there are days of frustration and that kids can drive you crazy, but each one is a blessing and a gift. People who choose to have 52 children (okay, so exaggerating a little) and have been blessed by God with all the correct working body parts and the ability to have that many should not complain about how their lives have been drastically changed or their dreams have been cut short because of this.
I'll step back down off the soapbox with a sigh, mainly because I still regularly find myself crying at the computer when I come across blogs or comments that seem insensitive to the fact that everyone can't just schedule when and how many children they are going to have.
I love my son beyond belief. I wouldn't trade one moment with him and I'm striving to cherish each and every step of growth in his life. Would I love to have had the privilege of having him grow in my womb? Absolutely. Would I have loved to have the bonding experience of breast feeding him from birth? Definitely. Do I sometimes struggle when I'm in groups of ladies and the topic of pregnancy stories and birth stories comes up? Yep.
God is good. I'm not bitter with the situation God has placed us in. He knew that I would grow through this process. All I'm saying is please be sensitive to those around you.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
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