13 Weeks: Picture, Thoughts, Fears & What Comforts Me

Picture:
Yes, here indeed is the new picture. I walked past a mirror tonight and thought, "I look about 7 months along, not 13 weeks." In the end, I know that exterior size doesn't matter and it is all about the health of the babies. I've now gained 5.2 pounds since before I was pregnant.

Thoughts:
I am thankful for maternity clothes. I am thankful for some kind friends who have passed some along so I didn't have to go out and buy all new maternity clothes. I like the fact that maternity clothes make you look pregnant instead of my regular clothes which just make me look fat.

I'm not thrilled with my new doctor's office. I called them today to let them know that I'm having some cramping and to see if there is any possibility to get in (for the first time) sooner than 2 weeks from now. They said no. They weren't even really that kind about it as they shot me down. They also scheduled my first appointment for a nurse/midwife, which a friend of mine who has been there explained probably means I'm not getting a sonogram at my first appointment.

Fears:
The aforementioned cramps of today, though not extreme, did effectively scare me. That combined with the fact that I don't know how long it will take to get the next sonogram after they told me I'm high risk and would need to be monitored closely sent me nearly into a flood of tears today.

Beyond fearing what could be happening now with the babies, I have to work hard not to fear about what is to come. I admit that the whole thing is still pretty overwhelming. C-section, the probability of 3 premature babies and NICU can be scary enough, but then my mind continues on to the fact of trying to figure out how I'm going to take care of Jonathan AND three babies at the same time. I'm beyond thankful that God has answered our prayers and has given us these three precious little ones, but all the things that could go wrong combined with the question of how in the world I'm going to do this, combined with fear that I'm not awesome enough to pull off taking care of three babies at the same time can sometimes be a lot to dwell on.

What Comforts Me:

"For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11

"In the multitude of my thoughts within me, Thy comforts delight my soul." Psalm 94:19

I know that God is in control. I know that there is nothing I can do to control the outcome of this pregnancy (other than the basic "Resting, drinking water and etc"). I know that He loves me and He loves the precious little ones I'm carrying. I have to be willing to trust Him if things go smoothly as well as if they don't.

My husband is an amazing support system for me. He balances me in a perfect way that could have only been planned by God. When I'm stressed, he keeps me grounded and reminds me of the things I know. As I go through my emotional ups and downs, he remains steady and loves me throughout each plummet and rise.

Knowledge that others are praying for me and for the babies also helps. Thank you to so many of you who fall in that group and who have held us up in prayer.

Finally - An Appointment Date

So yesterday I called the USF high risk doctor's office to schedule an appointment. The lady on the phone told me that I am registered but that they can't schedule an appointment until my doctor's office sends my medical records. I told them that my doctor's office told me last week that they had confirmed receipt of medical records and that I would be getting a phone call within 24-48 hours. They said (in a kind of rude tone), "well we don't have anything and we can't do anything until your doctor's office sends it to us."

So yesterday afternoon I called my doctor's office and had to leave a message. No one returned my call.

So this morning Mike and I and Jonathan went to sit in my doctor's office to get some answers. When the lady who has been working on this met with us, she told us that she called USF today and they told her that they left a voicemail with me on the 22nd (DID NOT) asking me to return the call to schedule an appointment. She told them that I called yesterday and they didn't seem to know anything about that. They let her schedule the next available appointment for me.

So (yes, this is the 4th paragraph starting with the same word) we now officially have an appointment for January 17th to go see the high risk doctor. After this 3 weeks of waiting adventure, I am lacking a little in the belief that they are overly competent, but hopefully they will prove this was a fluke.

Mike asked if there was concern that I've already gone three weeks since the last appointment and it will be three weeks until the next appointment. They were the ones who told me I'm high risk and would need to be monitored much more often. She said that it should be okay as long as I'm not having complications and that if I do start to have them to call and try to get in sooner.

At least we have a date on the calendar. I'll be 15 weeks at that point. Thanks to those of you who have been praying that we would be able to get this scheduled.

As Promised, The Pictures Begin

Well, in two hours, I will officially hit my 12 week mark, so I will start posting my weekly picture for those of you who care.

Yes, I do realize that "normal" people aren't showing nearly this much at 12 weeks, but I am comforted by the fact that those people normally aren't carrying triplets. I've now gained 3.6 pounds since the start of the pregnancy.

We are still waiting to get into the high risk doctor. Tomorrow marks three weeks since my regular OB/GYN told me that I'm high risk and will need extra monitoring, but she couldn't help me since she doesn't deal with triplets. So, tomorrow I'll be on the phone with the new high risk doctor's office to say, "What up? Any chance we can get an appointment on the books?!"

Still sick, still loving that, still praising God for this pregnancy and for the potential to meet these three precious babies, still scared to death about all ramifications related to having triplets, still working to trust our God Who knows what we can handle and has chosen this for us.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

Thankful for Sickness

Today has been a crummy day. The only good part about the morning was my sweet husband making breakfast for Jonathan and I before he had to leave for work. As I was sitting on the couch having a pity party for myself about how horrible I felt, I thought, "Man, if only Mike were home today - I could just go back to bed and not have to worry about what Jonathan could do to himself or other things if I crash for awhile." Then, literally about 15 minutes later, the door unlocked and my man came to the rescue. He didn't even know how horrible I felt. He figured that most of his clients were partying or closed today, so if he got a call for a job, he could go in, but in the mean time, he might as well be home with us.

I cried. I told him how horrible I felt and how glad I was that he was home. And just like that, my man, my gift from God, took over. He stayed out in the living room with little man so that I could go lie down. I crashed for almost two hours. Then, I got up and was able to get ready for the day in a leisurely fashion, knowing he had it all under control.

Then came the sickness. It was my own fault for not eating something the moment I got back up out of bed. But you know what, as I was huddling over the toilet, I found myself thanking God.

Last night I was struggling to sleep. Mike asked me what was wrong and I told him that I was nervous about losing the babies because this week I came to the date on the calendar that I could stop giving myself shots. During the last two pregnancies, stopping the shot was what induced the miscarriages to get started. Of course, I remind myself that the babies were already gone at that point, but it didn't stop this from being a rough week for me of worrying about if at any moment the miscarriage would start again.

So you see, being sick this morning was indeed a blessing. Sickness means there are still babies there. While I continue to work on trusting the Lord with this pregnancy and not spending all of my time worried about it, it is so comforting that He allows the sickness to help in the process. I'm praying that at some point I'll be able to hand that burden and that stress over to Him and NOT take it back to worry on some more.

I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you."

Great Conversation with Jonathan

So today Jonathan was looking over my shoulder and saw the picture of the ultrasound. As I scrolled down he said, "where Mommy's babies" and I scrolled back up and showed him on the screen and then pointed to my tummy. I told him that they would be his babies too. He said, "NO!" I said, yes, Mommy loves the babies and you are going to love them too.

He said, "No, I can't love babies!!"

Should be a fun adventure.

The Waiting Game

For now, we are waiting. Waiting to be referred from my normal OB/GYN to a high risk doctor. Waiting to get the next sonogram to know that everything is still okay and the number is still 3, with no more or no less. Waiting for the sickness to subside (though I refuse to complain about it because it lets me know that there is something still going on - I'm actually very thankful for the sickness).

The verse I'm clinging to during this time is: Psalm 62:5 "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him."

Stay tuned...starting next Tuesday we'll begin the weekly picture updates so you can see how the babies are growing. I feel huge, but I've only gained 2 pounds. Maybe I'll be one of those weird people who lose weight during pregnancy. I did read something yesterday that said I should be eating 5000 calories a day. WHAT? I'm drinking as much water and milk as I can get my body to take. I've said goodbye to Mountain Dew for the time being (though I can have up to 8 ounces of caffeine a day, so I might splurge for special events).

One day at a time...

Second Sonogram - THREE HEARTBEATS!!!

At 9 weeks, we went in to my regular OB/GYN to transfer care to their office from The Reproductive Medicine Group (who helped us with the IVF). They started out by giving me a typical pregnancy test. The nurse came back to tell me that there was a faint line showing that I was pregnant. WHAT???!!! I was 9 weeks pregnant with twins. That line should have been marker thick. And thus began my freaking out. Next she went to take my blood pressure, which surprisingly (or not) was a little high. Of course, I was freaking out! By the time I got into the room with Mike, I dissolved into tears. I told him about the test and that I thought maybe I had lost the babies already. I pulled myself together as best I could and the doctor came in.

She started the sonogram and told us right away about seeing one heartbeat. Oh yay! At least one is still there! Then she showed us the second heartbeat. We were both so relieved. Mike came over and kissed me and we had the one moment of euphoria that I hadn't lost them after all and once again we hit a new record in how long I'd carried them.

Then she said, "well...I bet you wonder why I just said well..." And at that moment, she moved it enough that I could see on the screen, 1, 2, 3 babies. She showed us the third heartbeat. We were now having TRIPLETS!!! I instantly thought of that Chase commercial where the husband comes in to see that the wife has set up three cribs and he faints.

The doctor then proceeded to tell us this makes me high risk. We will have to have a c-section. We have to deliver at Tampa General because it is the only hospital in the area prepared to deal with triplets. I'll have to get a new doctor because her practice doesn't handle triplets. Two of the babies, the identical twins, are in the same sack, so there is danger of them entangling each other up in their umbilical cords as they grow.

Suffice it to say that by the time we left, I was excited, overwhelmed, scared to death and all the emotions that you can imagine come with going from twins to triplets. I thought of the fact that God doesn't give us more than we can handle and I found myself thinking, "really??? You think I can handle this???" I will tell you one thing for sure - if my husband was not so super awesome when it comes to being a daddy and helping out with everything, I would be super stressed.

So for now our motto is "one day at a time." I try not to stress about losing them early (though I sometimes do). I try not to stress about bedrest (though I sometimes do). I try not to stress about NICU or them coming way too early (though I sometimes do). The thing that comforts me the most in all of this is the fact that we didn't end up having triplets because we were irresponsible and put 52 eggs in hoping that some would take. We knew that we could handle twins if God allowed both eggs to attach and for there to be any more, God, the Giver of Life, would have to split them. He chose to do that with one of them. So, He will give us the strength to deal with triplets.

First Sonogram - HEARTBEATS!!!

We got in the room for the sonogram and told Mike that this might be all or nothing. I didn't think I could go through it again. The emotional wear and tear with IVF is more than I ever imagined it would be. I was crying before the sonogram even started. And then, thankfully, the awesome technician (hope that's the right word for her job) who was giving me the sonogram (and had been through every other one with me), mercifully and quickly said, "I see a heartbeat." I immediately started crying. Could it be true? Was God's answer to my prayer finally "yes" instead of "no" or "wait"? Then she saw the second heartbeat. She turned the monitor so we could see those precious little squishies on the screen. While she finished doing her measuring of the babies, I heard Mike's cell phone start making noise. Yep, he was texting a bunch of people the exciting news. TWO HEARTBEATS!!!

Cloud 9. That is where I was. Beaming. Excited. Thrilled that God had answered our prayers. We decided to wait until the next day to make it "facebook public". After all, what better thing to be thankful for than the fact that God had blessed us with the privilege of seeing our two babies' heartbeats?

Current Story IVF Round 3

After recovering physically from the second round of losing our babies, we began discussing whether or not to continue. Mike was supportive of whatever I wanted to do. It was hard on him to have to watch me go through the miscarriage and the loss, but he would support me if I wanted to continue on. We decided that God had directed us on this path in the beginning and to continue forward until He closed the door. So, in September, it all started again. The shots. The mood swings. The anticipation, fear and hope (all mingled into one).

We got to the same magic phone call, made it past each bloodwork where the numbers needed to improve and they improved, but we knew that unless we could get past that 6.5 week sonogram, we would be going through the same pain and loss as before. The sonogram was scheduled. It would be at 7 weeks, 1 day. The day before Thanksgiving. My parents would be in town. So many of our plans hung on whether or not we got good news at that sonogram. As much as I was hoping and praying for good news, my heart was trying to prepare itself to hear the same old news.

Backstory - IVF Part 2

In January of 2011, we began our second round of IVF. This time I knew more what to expect. I knew about the mood swings I would have from the meds. I knew about the pain of the shots. I knew about the potential loss that could come at the end, but I still had great hope. God was so faithful during those tough days. He put people in my life to encourage me, to cry with me, to pray with me and to help me continue on. He gave me Jonathan ahead of time so that as I was still grieving the loss of our twins, I had my little man to take care of and to hug on and to love. He gave me an amazing husband whose patience level is extraordinary who held me when I cried, loved me no matter what mood swing I was going through and supported me each step of the way.

Half way through this round, we ended up postponing it a few months because my body wasn't cooperating with the meds. We picked it back up again in April and in May we had the transfer. Then it was the same waiting game again. The same phone call: "YAY, you're pregnant". The same sonogram where I was so nervous and didn't want to hear the words I heard. "I'm sorry." The beginning of June 2011 brought another miscarriage, two more babies gone ahead to be with the Lord. This miscarriage was different though. It was mentally AND physically brutal. During the middle of it I distinctly remember telling Mike that I couldn't do this again. He understood. He hugged me. He told me loved me. June was a tough month between that loss and reaching the due date of the first twins we had lost. I struggled. I questioned God. I didn't understand why He wouldn't allow this for us. I didn't understand why He wasn't answering my prayers. And even in the midst of that, He was faithful. He brought comfort. And the phrase that I heard over and over at college came back to mind. "God is good, all the time."

Backstory - IVF Part 1

When Jonathan was about a year and a half old, my heart started aching for another baby. I wanted Jonathan to have a brother or sister. I wanted the kids to grow up close in age so they could play sports together and go to school together and be best of friends.

We heard about a potential out-of-state adoption and I started getting my hopes up. The mom was working with a pastor's wife that a friend connected us to. From the beginning it wasn't a guaranteed thing at all. The pastor's wife was very up front with us about where this mom was and that she really wasn't ready for adoption. Even though that gave time for the Holy Spirit to prepare my heart for the loss, it was still hard to get the news that it was official. Please don't misunderstand me, I absolutely believe that it was her right to want to keep her baby. I wasn't upset with the mom. At that point, I was more frustrated with the adoption process and knowing that I had to wait for someone to give up a baby that I longed for so desperately before we could have another child.

Mike and I began talking and praying about the fertility options. We had heard back on my nephew that his form of muscular distrophy was not hereditary. So, we started the appointments. After more testing, they thought there was a 60-80% chance that we could conceive through fertility treatments. I found a program that allowed us to have up to six attempts for one price and if we were not able to have a baby, we would receive back a significant portion of the money we paid to get in the program. So, in August of 2010, we began the IVF journey. It was an exciting, scary thing all at once. I will never forget when my first box of medicine arrived. Suddenly I realized that all of those injections had to go in my body and it was overwhelming.

We survived through all the injections, the surgery to remove the eggs, the procedure to put them back and the waiting began. Then I got the phone call I will never forget: I was pregnant! A week later, the morning sickness began. Then at 6.5 weeks we had the sonogram to see if one or two babies had attached. I'll never forget the words, "I'm not seeing what I should be seeing." Twins had attached, but were already gone. We went home to grieve the loss of the babies we had already loved so much.

The miscarriage was natural and not brutal physically, but mentally very difficult. We had committed to the journey though and after recovering, began looking at what came next.

Backstory - Jonathan's Adoption

Many of you who have been close to us know the backstory to how we got where we are, but for those of you who do not, here it is in a nutshell:

Mike and I have now been married almost 8.5 years. Our first two years we were happy not to have any kids come along. We selfishly wanted that time to ourselves before starting a family. Like most couples, we assumed that when we wanted to have kids, it would be a simple process without any roadblocks.

Much to our surprise, that was not the path God had chosen for us. After more than a year of the ups and downs of trying to have a baby, we went in for testing to see if we could find out what was wrong. The answer from the doctors was that we would have about a 1 in a million chance of conceiving on our own and that we should pursue fertility treatments. At the time, one of my nephews was diagnosed with muscular distrophy and they started checking to see if it was hereditary. We decided to wait on meeting with the fertility doctors until we got that answer.

In the mean time, some friends from our Sunday School class came to talk to us about adoption and about a possibility out there. We felt like God was leading us in that direction for a reason and we began the journey of all that is entailed in domestic adoption. In the spring of 2008, we had all of our paperwork turned in and our homestudy done. In August, we got the call that we had been chosen by a birth mom who was due in January. That was a very exciting time. Then in the end of September, we got the call that she had some complications and ended up delivering the baby girl stillborn. I know many don't understand the feeling of loss from the adoptive parents, after all, she hadn't been growing in my tummy. The difference was, though, that she already a home in my heart. One week later, the adoption agency called us and asked if we were willing to meet with another mom. Less than 3 weeks later, our precious Jonathan David was born and came home with us. He is a perfect fit for our family and we are so thankful for the way God directed our journey to lead us to him.

Baby Info Taking Over The Blog

So, as I was not sleeping last night, I started thinking about taking over the blog to talk about baby stuff and our journey from one awesome son to four awesome children (all in a short period of time). This will allow those who want to track things and want to hear about it to come follow us in our journey. It will also give me a place to put the information that isn't facebook. After all that we have gone through in our efforts to have children, I don't want to be the one who effectively rubs it in the face of others who might be going through the same heartache that we've been through. By putting it here, if they don't want to see it, they don't have to.

So, welcome to our journey. More to come soon.

Amazon - Starbucks Natural Fusions Coffee Deal

Hey everyone. I just heard about this deal on Amazon for Starbucks Natural Fusions Coffee for $6.50 for a 2pack shipped.

Go to Amazon and add either one of the following products to your cart:

Starbucks Natural Fusions Ground Coffee, Cinnamon Flavored, 11-Ounce Packages (Pack of 2)

or:

Starbucks Natural Fusions Ground Coffee, Vanilla Flavored, 11-Ounce Packages (Pack of 2)

The coupon codes to be used at checkout are: FUSIONC5 and STARBUK3 which should bring your total down to $6.50 for a 2pack.

You can get free shipping if you aren't currently a member of Amazon Prime by applying for Amazon Mom, which is a program for caregivers that gives you free Amazon Prime membership for three months (and with the Amazon Prime you get free shipping).

I don't drink coffee, so I haven't personally tried this one out yet, so if you do happen to try it and find that it isn't bringing the total down to $6.50 a 2pack, will you let me know?

Wow.

I'm seriously behind the times when it comes to blogging. I have to admit that I spend much more time keeping up with Facebook than I do keeping up with the blog.

One of the reasons I wanted to post tonight was to let you know that I'm getting setup as an Amazon Affiliate which basically means that if you plan to purchase something from Amazon, and you follow my link, I get a small referral fee.

This is a new adventure for me and I'm looking forward to seeing what potential might be there. You know how it is - in this economy, you have to do everything you possibly can to make those ends meet. I'm also trying to work to save some money aside for our ten year anniversary, which is only about 2.5 years away. CRAZY. We want to do something special since we never went on a honeymoon, so I'm setting aside for that a percentage of the profit from various endeavors I tackle.

Feel free to spread the word to any of your friends who might consider purchasing something from Amazon. All you need to do is follow the link from the sidebar. Thanks!

The Big Meeting

Thanks to those of you who prayed for our meeting with Jonathan's birthmom. This was the first time we've seen her in person since she was discharged from the hospital after he was born. We've sent pictures all throughout the past 15 months. After his birthday, our agreement only required us to send pictures once annually, but we asked her what her preference would be continuing forward. We want to always be sensitive to her. If she wants to see pictures, she can. If she doesn't want to see them, we won't send them. She did thank us for sending more pictures and for being willing to meet with her and let her see him even though we do not have to based on our adoption agreement.

Around Christmas we were thinking that it might be nice to ask if she wanted to see him. It took until now to find a time that worked for all of us. We were able to get some pictures with Jonathan and his brothers together as well as a few with Jonathan and his birthmom. Those are pictures that we'll be able to set aside and far down the road be able to share with Jonathan when the timing is right. Obviously I won't post the pictures here as she deserves to maintain her privacy and not have her picture out on the web.

As we walked away from the meeting, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. We had a good meeting. She was able to see him interact with us, ask questions and know that he is in a great home and loved beyond measure. I'm thankful that she is still at peace about her decision (something both she and her mom, who was there as well, shared with me).

We have been blessed. Jonathan is amazing and it is hard to imagine him not being a part of our lives, but that absolutely would have been true had she not chosen the route of adoption and picked us to rear him. I praise God for His leading in our lives and in her life to bring us together.

My Christmas Tree

Okay, so at this point, if you even remotely know us, you know that I love to joke around that I'm married to the Grinch. He isn't really a Grinch but mainly just rejects the commercialism that surrounds Christmas. So, for the 6.5 years we have been married, there have been no Christmas decorations found adorning our home around the holidays. This year Jonathan turned 14 months just before Christmas. I started telling Mike that this might have to be the last year he can be a Grinch and that next year I would like to have a tree since Jonathan will be more aware of what is going on around him next year. We can develop our own Christmas traditions and as a family we can make sure that our Christmas is not enveloped in commercialism and yes, we can do that WITH a Christmas tree.

So after Christmas I began looking for an artificial tree on sale. I was hoping to hit the good deals at Target or something and find one to stash for next year. Well, I was walking through Walgreens one day and saw a sign on one of their store display trees that said "Open Box Christmas Tree, $14.99". So, I asked one of the employees if that meant that they do actually have the box or if it came without the box. She asked a manager and the manager came back and said if I wanted it I could have it for $5.00. I decided I would take it and kind of assumed they would take off the decorations, but instead they just pushed it over to the beauty counter and told me I could check out there.

In the mean time, the reason I was at Walgreens is that for the month of January, using coupons from back in October, you could get 2 Bayer Blood Glucose Monitors for free and it would spit out $13.00 in Walgreens Money. I believe that over the course of the month I picked up somewhere in the vicinity of 165 meters. For those of you doing math in your head, that is approximately $1072.50 in Walgreens money that I earned last month to spend on diapers, milk, food and etc...

So back to my Christmas tree. I went to check out and my total was $5.35 and they didn't remove ANY of the decorations. Bonus. I handed her one of the aforementioned Walgreens money (AKA Register Rewards) that I got free. She didn't think she could use it on a clearance item but the manager told her that if the register would accept it, she could take it. One quick scan later, my total was $0.35 for my Christmas tree. Almost giddy with excitement, I handed her the change and with one hand on the cart containing my son and one hand carrying my artificial tree, blissfully walked out to the car. I did have some fun getting it in, but the fact that I had a Christmas tree and even more so that I only paid $0.35 in real money for it completely made my day.

Oh yes, and my favorite Grinch's response? He claimed that I defiled his house by bringing the tree in it. I think he really is okay with it though. Now if I could just find a box to store it in for the next year...now if I only had a garage to store the box in for the next year...oh well. Today I choose to be thankful for my tree.

PS...for the life of me, I can't get the paragraph spacing to work, so you'll just have to imagine they are there. It is actually driving me crazy...

A Few Christmas Pictures

Here are some pictures of us the Sunday after Christmas. I love Jonathan's little outfit. I found this outfit at Sears a few months before we even knew about Jonathan. It was normally $30.00 on sale for $14.99 on CLEARANCE for $1.49. WHOHOO. I picked it up thinking that maybe I would use it as a shower gift or something. Little did I know at that time that God had already planned the little man who would perfectly fit this outfit this Christmas. Praise the Lord.

Family Portrait

Mike's mom was with us for Christmas, so we had her take a family picture before we went on a walk with the dogs. Here we are - all seven of us - getting everyone to look at once - virtually impossible.

He's WALKING

Hey Everyone, sorry that it has been so long since I updated. I tend to do a lot more updating on Facebook nowadays since I can better control who sees our information. However, I know a few of you don't use Facebook, so just for you, here is little man walking:

Yes, I know there is no video to see yet. I tried uploading it and it thought and thought and thought and never finished. I finally gave up. The video isn't that long, so I'm not sure what the hold up is. I'll try again tomorrow. Instead I will give you a picture of him that I love - this is my current favorite...